Love Letters to Myself - Intro

Six months after the release of my second album, I am finally releasing the back stories! Better late than never, right? The album itself dropped on the summer solstice, and now the blogs are dropping on the winter solstice! ^_^

I've had this concept idea for many years - just a thought I had kept to myself. While I was writing the C&C Insect Suite EP, I started thinking about maybe making a second album, with actual songs that I sang. I had written, recorded, and orchestrated "A Smile is All" in 2019, and I wanted to release that version of my singing voice and self into the world—and then record new songs with my newer way of singing, and being.

I knew I had grown since then, not necessarily in technical or musical skills, but in my confidence as a singer, maturity as a person, and the new mindset I was carrying. I had a lot of pressures before on myself about notating things, and practicing... Lots of ideas of what "perfect" or even "acceptable" was. And now I strive to follow just two simple rules:

1. Have fun

2. Be consistent

As long as those two things were happening, I knew I could finish writing then recording and releasing a second full album. Parts of nearly all of the songs came from improvised recordings of me singing into the Voice Memos app on my phone. Sitting down at the piano and figuring out the exact melodies and chords was so fun and satisfying.

The intro track is my first attempt at spoken word. I improved five separate times over it on the piano, and what you hear is the amalgamation of three different improvs.

The words themselves came from a prose-writing session. I like to write words with more of an intention toward poetry than thought-dumping (which is what I do in my journal). I didn't use about half of the words I wrote for the intro's final draft.

My favorite line is "A flurry of letters spill from the chaos of my mind." It's like letters of the alphabet - all of the writing I let pour out of me. And also, the love letters!

It's very appropriate to my life, because I do love to write letters to people, too. Sometimes when I feel lonely, I'll write letters to friends and family. It's fun to reach out, especially when they do reply. But I don't always get a response, so I try to make it fun and fulfilling for myself regardless of how it is received.

My mom often wrote to people. I inherited her entire stationery collection - some pieces I gave away cause they were soooo ugly LOL but I did keep a significant amount. I also started my own collection - lots of cards, letters, and envelopes, stickers, pens. I do love to write!! It's always been a source of peace and joy in my life, especially reflecting about my own experiences. I don't read all that much, but I do love to write.

The cover of this album is also chaos spilling all over the floor. I collected a bunch of the material possessions I cherish at this time of my life and spread them somewhat methodically on my bedroom floor. At the top of the photo, between my blue water bottle, computer, and peacock stuffed animal, there's my first album's cover! ;P And then to the right of that, past the peacock and retractable dog leash, is the music for Cabbage Village, and one of the final drafts of the score to Critters and Creatures. I won't go into what and where everything is though; this cover is supposed to be like a fun little I-Spy picture that you can stare at for a few minutes and discover different things.

One of my best friends stood on a chair and took the photo! I had folded up my blue and orange blanket (that my mom made for me years ago) and put it in the corner, and then my dog came over and lay down on it. I did not plan for her to be in the photo, but it was too perfect for her not to be!

So the intro track is just me reading a poem I wrote, literally just me speaking words, with some ambient, soothing piano in the background, and the "Celestial Voices" vocal synth pad in Logic Pro X that I also used in "A Smile is All".

I've been telling people that my album is half raw and vulnerable, and half cheeky and self-aware. The little ding-dong at 0:29 is perfectly timed with the image of my own love letters arriving at my door. ❤

–

When I am lonely

I feel into the void

Send love into the darkness

Receive all the love that comes back

Reach out, and let go.

So solid in who I am

So happy by myself

Sending love letters out,

Out into the world

The love letters I send to myself

I know will always land

They’ll come back into my heart

I throw love to myself,

My future self.

The self that weeps and fears

The one that hopes and dreams

Is disappointed and let down

And chooses to rise again

The one that is not always sure

And dares to speak anyway

My future self that questions her path

If what she is doing is right or wrong

My self of tomorrow, next week,

Next month, near year,

Next decade.

A flurry of letters spill from

The chaos of my mind

Fragments of memories and experiences

Coming together

Love letters to myself

Will always land

I receive the abundance of my love

I bask in the warmth of my affection

I find peace and calm in the

Knowledge of myself

I am safe

I am whole

I am okay

You are safe

You are whole

You are okay.

What does your love letter say?